another friendly update

 My, my, my, how long it’s been-

To make an incredibly long story short, I’ve been busy.

Since the school year finally started for my daughter, I’ve had more time during the day to sit and actively write. And oh my gosh am I having fun. Diving into this unknown and writing a book, working on more poetry and blogs, creating something out of nothing has given me inspiration (and some writers block too, I won’t lie). But overall I’m finding myself writing and writing and writing. Even if 90% of what I come up with doesn't get used, I’m still finding myself immersed and enjoying the road I’m travelling down. 

One thing I’m currently working through is my full reviews to the Assistant of the Villain series. I just finished the fourth one and girl I have some thoughts and opinions lmao. Because oh my god what the actual hell?! I cannot wait to share with you my thoughts on that, so please prepare some coffee or tea and grab a snack (it’s gonna be a long one). 

This month and next month for reading will be a lot of the SJM realm. I'm so excited for the new release coming this October!!! So I’m refreshing and re-reading to be caught up again. Down below are my goals for the month of September for reading. I got a big head start last month for A Court of Thorns and Roses and for Mist and Fury. Because we all know Silver Flame is gonna be a long ride (all puns intended).

On the TBR for the rest of September into October:

• Alchemised- SenLinYu

• A Court of Wings and Ruin- Sarah J. Maas

• Crescent City House of Earth and Blood- Sarah J. Maas

The only book I’ll write a review for will be Alchemised, there won’t be book reviews to the other current reads, mainly because I don't really have anything to add. I have my opinions and views on the books but they are more or less the same as many within the community. I feel as though I’d rather do book reviews for new reads I have no idea about. Just going in blind to the story, the good, the bad and the ugly.

And if any of you lovelies have suggestions for some great reads, please comment down below!

Thanks for listening to my babbling, I always appreciate those who take time to read through my rambling words. 

Until next time,

C.R. Phoenix

on healing through writing

    I’ve always been told and read that writing of any sort helps heal. Journaling is more than likely the number one answer on any list. And while yes it does help, it also matters though on what kind of writing to do. Not everyone is made for x, y, z. So what’s right for me? 

That will be my personal age old question, what is right for me?

    I have a bad habit of allowing others' influence to affect me, even my own inner critic is my final boss (that’s my inner voice of doubt. She is always so loud). Out of anyone, I’m the most harsh on myself. I don’t talk about it enough, but I try hard to work through shit that isn’t a big deal for others. It’s the silent conflicts, the daily thoughts of ‘I’m not doing enough, I’m not good enough…” The list could go on and on.

    Maybe this is why I decided I’d have a hand in blogging and writing, at least I could start somewhere. I like to talk…a lot… but I also like to sit in silence and listen. I am the ‘therapist friend’ if you want to get technical. But sometimes I don't always get to say what I really want, I don’t always get to talk about myself. Hence again– (the blog). 

    About a year ago I dove deeper into my personal natal chart. The biggest thing that it kept screaming out to me was that I in some way– am a writer. I tell you now friends, I denied it at first all too quickly. Then as Hades and Loki looooooove to do– they shoved it down my throat (her hair wrapped up in my hand) with signs from above and below. I finally relaxed my jaw and allowed the idea to sink in (Good girl.) 

    So here I am, writing. To call myself a writer is hard though (there’s that nagging voice again. I need to give her a name. Hmmm…). Sure I write, I journal, I write up poems. But am I really a writer? (Well? Am I?) Hmmm, well alright Dolores, I must not tell lies… I am a writer.

    I’m here to continue to heal, I’m here to write. I’m here to share my voice and my stories. I love writing and being a writer. The little version of me is jumping for joy that I finally realize I’m in the space that I am meant to be in. With Hekate’s guiding torch, I no longer stand at the crossroads staring in every direction in confusion. I forge my own path and explore who I am. Where I’m meant to be. And it is here in this space with you.

Until next time friends,

C.R. Phoenix 

on spiritual paths

For over a decade now, I’ve found my particular spiritual path. In an earlier blog I mentioned that I worship both Hades and Loki. I’ve been worshipping Loki for about a decade and now with Hades it’ll be two years this year. They have taught and guided me through some of the most difficult situations, from my mother dying in front of me to dealing with shitty people who screw you over. Quite the extremes, yes, but that is my life. 

In October of 2017 my mother had a massive heart attack, I was home in California visiting at the time (I now live in the Midwest). My daughter was with me, she had just turned one that year. One day while we were having lunch at home, my mother started to act out of character. The paramedics couldn’t give me much at the time aside from potential cardiac arrest. It wasn’t until she was admitted into ICU that I knew she had a heart attack, and suffered two more cardiac arrests on the life flight to the next biggest hospital from my hometown. Long story short– it was a week of hell for us all. By the end of it my dad and I discussed, she was taken off life support because she had less than 30% of her brainstem active. Otherwise, the woman I once knew was nothing more than a shell of her former self.

After a long trek home, I was lost in limbo and barely slept. Alcohol became my best friend and boy did I drink like a fish. For about three months I wasn’t me at all, I made sure that my daughter and husband (which mind you was my solid rock of support through it all) were taken care of, but in those quiet of nights when the horrors played again and again,

Just seeing my mother lie on the living room floor of my childhood home as the paramedics worked on her, my mother’s head turned and she stared right at me. Her eyes glass like a porcelain doll. I knew then she was never walking back through the front door again…

Then–I met Loki.

Like the flame of the hearth, he made himself known, brightly and intensely. At first I thought I was imagining things, but no, he was there in my psyche clear as day. I heard his voice, I could see the Cheshire cat grin and faint needle scars. I saw his hair, glimmering red (and glorious!). He put on his finest robes just for that occasion (usually he’s naked or has very little on, so I did really appreciate that he at least was somewhat modest in the beginning–don’t worry folks that changed immediately the next day!). Since then he’s been around, guiding me through the darkest of days, reminding me to find the beauty even in the mundane. To understand that this is life, that we go through various changes. To take no shit, to always be cunning and clever.

Through all that, I went through many many changes (like a phoenix). I had tried different style choices, careers, lifestyles hell even diets, to see who I really was. All my life I just went through life, I never thought myself good enough for something. I didn’t know what kind of talents I had. Loki showed me those. And I thank him everyday for it.

Then a couple of years ago I met Lord Hades. 

I say ‘I met’ and 'a couple of years ago’ lightly. Lord Hades and I had met previously (at the time I wasn’t fully ready, I was dealing with some hard emotions and dealing with shitty people.) That’s when I really did need him the most, but I was too afraid, not of Hades, but of having to open up parts of myself that I wasn't ready to see. In October of 2024, that’s when he unveiled. Knowing I wasn’t ever truly ready but I took the deal. I don’t regret it either. What I do regret is that I allowed others to influence me negatively about myself and my spiritual path (Best believe that it will never happen again.) 

Hades has taught me to look at the darkest part of myself, the demons, and to make friends with them. To embrace my own individuality, my own style, passions and careers. To be confident in my damn self and stop trying to please other people. Because of Lord Hades, I am more me than I have ever been before. I am always eternally grateful. 

To sum up– I am very much a chaotic and eclectic witch. I work with what I have in my cabinets, in my brain. Thoughts are spells, words are magic. One day one ritual works, the next day? (NAAAAAAH! Try something new!) (You know sometimes a consistent routine is also needed…) (honhonhon *sinister French giggles*). 

See what I get to hear all the time? Oh the joys  of clairaudience. Like Twilight up in my head, one of them is sparkly and one’s got that dog in them. I won't tell you which one is which, I’ll leave that to your imagination. 

Apologies–

But I’m not truly sorry– if I was then I wouldn’t be so much myself. I like making jokes, making people laugh. Maybe I was a comedian in a past life (or just another fucking clown). 

What I am really trying to say here is that, when I write or blog; that it will always be wild and chaotic. I write authentically. I’ve learned through my years of spiritual practices that I seem to be a Weaver. A Weaver of words. Sitting there at my spinning wheel turning straw into gold. Always remembering magic comes at a price dearie 

on reading--

 I’ve always liked the idea of doing book reviews, like other content creators on YouTube or any other social media platform. I’m terribly camera shy so sitting in front of the lens isn’t something that's up my alley.

Like Lemony Snicket, I try to show very little of my real face.

Is this something that you’ll find interesting? My take on this book or that? Do you even find interest in this blog? (I really hope so…I’ve worked hard alright?) [insert laughing face emoji]

One big thing I’ve learned so far as a writer is that I need to read. Read widely, read pamphlets about viral diseases, read the magazine sitting on the coffee shop counter while you wait for your beverage. Read the classics, read the back of the milk carton. Read. 

So okay, I do that more frequently as an adult and since I decided to be a stay at home mom nearly a decade ago. I have a lot of time to read. As a child I was an avid reader, going into high school though, I lost interest in reading unless it was for English class (maybe it did me some good. I still think about the Crucible and I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings to this day). I’ll go look at the rabbits George. 

Now as a writer I see reading differently.

I see the curtain pulled back and have a deeper appreciation for authors before, around and to be. I see the framing of the house these authors are building, strong foundations, solid walls and a roof to seal it all together. 

So while still being a writer, I must write. I must read. So wouldn’t it make sense for book reviews to also be a thing for me? How else am I going to get better at writing if I don’t expand my writing?

Such a fun journey I embark on!

-C.R. Phoenix

friendly little author's note-

 Hello friends!

I wanted to take a moment to write a friendly little Author's Note:

 As I continue to dive into the world of writing and finding my home here, I realized I have a lot I want to create. That being said, over the next few weeks any blogs, short stories and poetry posts might be a little all over the place. I’m currently going through and organizing everything I currently have as well as drafts that need to be edited. They will be up very soon! 

I appreciate you all! Thanks for hearing my little rant, and I can’t wait to continue uploading new work!

-C.R. Phoenix-

secret garden

 To the secret garden–Eloise made her escape.

Away from her wicked stepmother–taunting her with cruel fate.

In the garden, so lush and so green.

Eloise smiles wide, taking in the beautiful scene.

Her worries now gone and forgotten,

She ran down the path lined with pretty little flowers.

Past the trees where apples have gone rotten.

Who was she today?

Enough decisions! It’s time to play!

Elosie was a Queen for no rhyme or reason, 

Declaring, “Off with your head!”

If a peasant commits treason.

Maybe she’s a swashbuckling pirate,

Counting her treasure and setting sails for a new course.

Perhaps she’ll be a pilot,

Or a noble knight sitting upon his magnificent horse.

She’ll run away to the circus.

To dance with the clowns and tame a lion.

Look! Way up there!

On the trampeze– she goes flying!

Dusk has come– as day turns into night.

It’s time to go home, before there is only moonlight.

Although she dreaded to go home,

Eloise distracted herself, pretending that she’s a grumpy garden gnome.

Even through the beatings and lecture,

our brave little girl never once cracked under the pressure.

“Tomorrow-” Eloise thought,

“I’ll visit my garden, without getting caught.”

The next morning, Eloise woke up chipper.

“Today will be the best one yet!”

She jumped up to put on her slippers.

From her room–she tiptoes along the carpet

To find papa’s gunsafe, her eyes locked on target.

She finds her stepmother down in the kitchen,

Plucking feathers and beheading a chicken.

Elosie ever so small, raise her papa’s heavy gun.

With a click of the hammer,

not once did Eloise stammer.

Her father rushed in with such haste, 

to see what was the matter.

Only to find his betrothed,

body so limp–so much blood splattered.

He looked to Eloise while she held the smoking gun,

“Dear God child! What have you done?!”

While her father wailed and weeped,

Elosise never made a sound–

Not one peep.

She raised the gun to her papa’s unsuspecting head…

Then– BANG!

He dropped dead.

Elosie looked at what he had done,

A smile across her face, she dropped the gun.

Going to change into her finest dress,

Eloise skipped merrily to the garden, 

knowing soon– she will have someone to impress.

Swinging quietly, Elosie thought,

“I’m finally free! My last fight was fought!”

She hummed happily while the blue birds sang,

Until– that is when she heard the garden door burst open with a loud clang.

Men in uniforms, carrying large guns came.

Strange men in funny white coats did the same.

Eloise may have replaced one prison from another,

But she knew deep down–

She was always free of her wicked stepmother.

-C.R. Phoenix-

on poetry--

 I’ve recently been dabbling in poetry, I find it complex and full of emotions. 

As a child into my teen years I had never really understood poetry, never felt connected to it. As an adult though, I have a much deeper appreciation for the art. Now as a writer (and writing characters who write poetry), I thought that it would be smart, that I, the author, should learn how to construct poetry. To feel it. To have to dive deep within my own soul. How I can create such memorable characters (right now my MC falls flat, gotta give her some life.) 

I even wrote my first poem, and already have more drafted.

I find myself content in this world. Creating, erasing, creating, erasing. Until I find the right words. The right feeling. I’ve never felt more alive than I have in this last year. As I continue to grow and learn, I eagerly await to explore other parts of myself, I then can share with you.

Until next time,

xo

C.R. Phoenix