“What do I even write about?” I exclaimed as I threw my hands in the air.
There was a pause, and then, quietly he spoke, “About you.”
So here I am, here I am to write about myself, my hobbies, interests. This blog is really more a personal diary than anything else.
You see, I have a fear. A fear of being seen, (no the irony isn’t lost on me that Lord Hades, “The Unseen” is helping me through this fear). All my life I’ve been told;
I’m too sensitive
I’m too dramatic
That I’m way intense
That I’m too much
Before it always felt like a curse in a way. I allowed others' judgement to influence how I feel about myself. I am very sensitive. I am sensitive to energy, to the unseen. I feel things others don’t. I pick up on things others don’t. I’m a bit….spooky (a regular Mulder).
Over the years, I would lock those parts of me away. I would hide my most authentic self just to please others, to be forced inside of a box. To dim my light. I’ve held back for years in fear of judgement, (again the irony isn't lost on me. I worship Hades…I can look Judgement in his eyes and not even squirm. But just the thought of posting a blog for others to see? Oof…). But not today. Not now. I’m turning 33 this year, I’ve reached the point in my life where I’m fully prioritizing myself. I am deserving of new opportunities, experiences, and making new memories. I continue to devote my time, energy and love into those I care about. I am one of those people. I am a former people pleaser. I am a person too, so why can't I please myself?
That is what this new phase of my life is, calling back my energy, calling back my power and harnessing it. Transmuting it into something good. Redefining who I am and tapping into my authentic self. It’ll be messy and chaotic (remember ... .Loki.), it’ll be wild and may not make sense, (however I know this blog will find the right people when they need it the most.), kind of like BTS, they find you when you need them the most. This blog may find someone who shares the same ideals, hobbies or interests, who knows?
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